The Days Before the “To Do’s” (Oh, how I miss you.)

Study for my vocabulary quiz.
Meet with my mentor.
Drop of the rent checks.
Pay bills.
Mail Grace’s (late) baptism gift.
Mail Danny’s (late) birthday gift.
Clean the house.
Go to the gym.
Call all the people I owe phone calls . . .

. . . and that is just tomorrow.

It seems life has become one long “to do” list. Every day there is a list, often impossibly long but never impossibly short. Each “to do” has its proper position in the list, depending on deadline and/or importance. It stares at me reminding me of the hours ticking by, of things that I could be doing. Each item checked off the list is a small victory but somehow the list is never defeated. It rears its head every day reminding me that there is more to be done. A hopeless battle is what it is.

So, why I am fighting it?

Sometimes I think if I do not have the list running through my head, or looking up at me from whatever random piece of paper I happened to jot it down on, I am doing nothing. If I can not see the check marks I must not be accomplishing anything. At the same time the question runs through my head, “What am I really accomplishing?” Surely, some of these things need to be done because one does have to function in the life. But, if it was all over tomorrow, would I be satisfied with how I spent yesterday?

I think the “to do” list needs to be revised. The number one daily “to do” will actually be a “to don’t.” At the top of the list will be the new permanent priority, in bold Sharpe style type, “Don’t follow your “to do” list for at least one hour today.” This will be the magical line item because it can never be checked off. Yes, I think I like it.

If I really try, squint my eyes just enough, slightly tilt my head to the left, and dig way back in my memory I can recall a time before the aforementioned list. Ah, I remember. My sister and I are swinging on the swing set while my brothers toss the baseball back and forth in preparation for their next little league game. The grumble of the neighbor’s lawnmower serenades us while the smell of fresh cut grass lingers in the humid summer air.

In the distance the long awaited ringing of the ice cream truck sounds. Abruptly, the four of us stop our merriment and make a mad dash inside, up the 12 stairs to our rooms. The search begins. Loose change is the treasure we are seeking and we all know we have just moments to find it before our beloved truck leaves us behind.

Success! Our paces quicken as we head back down the stairs and out the screen door, closed fists around our nickels, dimes, pennies and occasional quarters. As our flip-flops hit the lawn we look to the left. We made it, and just in time. The truck slowly comes to a stop, and we are first in line. I order my usual sherbet push-up pop. It is the perfect color orange, has a texture that gets better as it melts, and tastes like summer. It is also the cheapest thing on the menu making it that much sweeter.

For a few minutes we sit on the porch step. The blue-grey concrete is cool, a nice complement to our frozen treats. Cotton, our small black cat, slowly walks up and sits beside us hoping that she might partake in the random drips that will undoubtedly fall. The plastic handle of my push-up pop begins to reveal itself telling me that the moment is almost over. We will discard the remains of our victorious ice cream and it will be a distant memory. A twinge of sadness runs through me. My ice cream is almost gone, but it is more than that. I have a sense that this special time will not last forever, a time when my brothers, sister, and I sit together and just simply be.

And, it doesn’t. Before I can think about it further we are up again. The cat runs under the bushes. My sister and I are back on the swings, trying hard to reach new heights. My brothers are playing catch, the thump of the ball rhythmically hitting their gloves. The taste of sherbet lingers on my tongue. Soon my mom will be calling us in for dinner, the defining moment that the day has come to an end. I will go to bed tired and satisfied. Everything that needed to get done that day did. Check.